The Last Virgin

12:17AM - Overlooking the most blatant things

I tripped over shards of your memory that I neglectfully forgot to put away.

2:01AM - My heart is gold so what will you give me for it?

With an effortless ring of my mostly disused phone you thrashed yourself abruptly back into my life. More often than not life seems to play out in a way that was predetermined to provide the most entertainment to the onlookers. Isn’t it odd that I hadn’t seen her for almost a year and just a couple of days before your call I had spent the weekend with her? Which of course got me to thinking about you, as it always does.

I remember wondering what it would have been like if we could have reached our full potential. Being that our efforts to enjoy each other were continually thwarted by the energies of a jealous girl trapped in unrequited love. That fateful day when she learned that our entanglements had moved from innocent to unforgivably scandalous was also the day that I would no longer knowingly put myself in situations around you. The borders I inflicted on our relationship were retribution as well as sheltering myself from future desire.

This had all happened long ago and I did not know how to respond to your present invitation to dinner. This friend that I had previously ended our relationship for wasn’t much of a friend anymore, but I still felt any meeting with you would be wrapped in guilt. You attempted to change my mind, explaining to me that our lives had changed from what they had been. Friendships had been distorted or completely obliterated and our current locations gave us anonymity, which we previously did not have the luxury to enjoy. Your rhetoric failed to compel me to dinner that night, but I promised you I would mull it over and a future meeting might be possible.

What I wanted was a guarantee. I wanted you to tell me that we could have a relationship, while maintaining a relationship with her. I wanted you to tell me that we would be worth it. I wanted to know that it wasn’t morally wrong. But you can’t give me that, can you?

Current mood: Contemplating Right and Wrong

Current music: Ryan Adams-I Still Miss Someone

12:24PM - It was cool, except for all the bad stuff that happened

It's much easier to like someone than to hate them, but some people make it impossible to like them.

Current mood: Cheerful, Aimee's around

Current music: Meiko

11:56PM - Get in the car and GO!

I'm currently on a cross country roadtrip. Everyone I've told is always so amazed that I'm doing it, actually doing it. Most people categorize it as one of those things you sit around and talk about, but never actually do. It seems like it should be hard, but it's actually rather easy. Maybe all those things you don't do because they seem scary or seem like too big of a hassle really aren't that difficult at all.

7:37PM - Let's focus on the negatives

"But if you're going to have an affair-not with my best friend, in my four poster bed, and they definitely didn't have to finish off my pistachio nuts."

Current mood: silly

12:38AM - What I hope to be.

Hubris-arrogant pride inviting nemesis

Current mood: amused

Current music: Slow Club-When I Go

1:30AM - Information gladly given but safety requires avoiding unnecessary conversation.

When I was satisfied I turned on my side to signify that the time for sleep was upon us. You laid your hand upon my side and started to pull me closer to cuddle, as if there was another reason you were in my bed other than purely physical pleasure. Without hesitation I grabbed your hand, flung it off and told you to stay on your side of the bed. A nice ending to a nice night.

Current mood: apathetic

Current music: Coffee and Cigarettes by Michelle Featherstone

8:01PM - I must be drunk because I'm still having fun

For two hours I pushed you away from me, turned my head and blatantly said, "no." Then I quite literally bumped into you in the dark hallway. I timidly apologized, but your only response was to grab me and push me against the wall. Swiftly your brash lips dove upon my conscientious ones. Unapologetically you kissed me and that's all it took to erase all the guilt and kiss you back.

Current mood: my feet hurt

Current music: Lose Big by Eef Barzelay

2:21AM - I'm extremely fucked up, please don't take me seriously.

With every year the line between right and wrong gets a little more blurry...or I've just had too many drinks to make it seem that way.

Current mood: drunk

7:51PM - Synopsis: it's awesome

Current mood: Hungover

Current music: Ordinary by Marry Me Jane

11:33PM - I will always hold you back...

Today is Kelly's birthday! I am quite upset that I am not with her today. How lame. Kels I hope you're having a good day!

11:11PM - How Kev and I learned about osteoblasts and osteoclasts

"You have nice osteoblasts baby, what's your name?"

"I want to make and destroy your bone, baby."

1:57PM - I'm cleaning out my desk and I found a bunch of quotes from my last family vacation.

"I need a guarantee- I need to know that a Twix is waiting for me"

"Zip off pants suck-make a decision already!"

"After I have my tea you can massage me"

"Why do I a: think its funny and b: am proud?"

"I want you to know that I held in a fart for you"

"I'm not going to have sex with someone the first time I hang out with them so I gave him a hand job"

"Your Dad is drinking a gin and tonic which means there's nooooo beer left on the ENTIRE boat"

Current mood: chipper

1:51PM - The best part is you can hear Chelsea in the background laughing

Attempting to study I grudgingly make my way to the library. Upon arriving I find a friend working at the desk, already my plan to study has be thwarted. A boy wearing a shirt which reads, "Asexuals party hardest," comes up to check out a book. Upon noticing his shirt I promptly compliment him on it, to which he replies, "its really good to pick up chicks!"

AHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAA!!!!

Current mood: Take that midterm!

Current music: Shut Me Out by Aidan Hawken

12:25AM - Sorry i punched you in the mouth and made it bleed; hey at least i didn't break your nose!

Text messaging conversation:

Me: Just went to Taco Bell and got hella milds...one of the employees was looking at me hella suspiciously.

T: Good work. Report home with the packages at 1900 hours agent Chels.

Current mood: Childish

Current music: Sex and the City theme song

7:26PM - I cannot be held accountable for anything I said last night

There were Sharks players at the hut last night! What the fuck were they doing there?!?

Excerpt from a conversation in a loud bar:
Guy: "What's your name?"
Me: "Chelsea."
Guy: "Jealousy?"
Me: "Yeah call me that."

The system we use to register was not letting me add an art class and it was really annoying. So I went to class and explained that to the teacher, who told me to go to the head of the art department and attempt to get it fixed. I make my way up to his office and there are four people in there and I explain to all of them my woes while pulling off the top layers of my clothes (I was really hot). So I'm pulling off my blazer, then my sweater, then my scarf and the secretary exclaims, "you do not look like you're from the business school." Kelly (the head) asks me the name of my teacher, but I can't remember because it's a long name I've never seen before. So he asks me to describe him. Worriedly I look up into his eyes and proclaim, "the only thing I can think to say is that he is really cute." The whole room starts laughing and say in conjunction, "it's Ben." I ask Kelly to please refrain from telling Ben my description of him, but for some reason I think he might find out...The moral of the story is-who the fuck cares I got into the class.

Current mood: optimistic

Current music: Labatt Blue Song by Great Big Sea

12:17AM

5. Dinner

Now its a TRUE success, Catherine!

1:30AM - It's America dude, learn the rules

So this guy called me today that lives in Santa Cruz. He told me that he was coming to Santa Clara and would probably go out and he would like me to come along. I told him that I had loose plans with a friend so I didn't know if I could go. He told me he would call me in a few hours to see if I was free.

A few hours passed and he texted me, "So I totally lied, I'm just not down to drink tonight."

Then at 1:30 he pounds on my door, most likely drunk. I didn't answer the door, I don't need to deal with ANOTHER drunk guy.

Boys say a lot of things and do a lot of things, but they rarely match up, mostly when alcohol is involved.

Current mood: Wondering what he wants & why

Current music: Tokyo Police Club-Citizens of Tomorrow

12:31PM

4. He called me today.

3:29AM - You're a pleasant distraction

Why I've decided that hooking up with Hot Italian Guy might actually happen:
1. He wrote me this message

For those of you that have not developed the important skill of reading backwards it reads, "I WILL MISS U VERY VERY MUCH!"
2. He wrote me a note with his number.

3. He texted my friend asking for my number.

Oh it's on!

Current mood: I'm gonna hook up with a model

Current music: Sundae by The Ice Cream Floats